Petra and Marissa

I had a great time filming Petra and Marissa’s wedding at Venue 5126 in Oswego, Illinois! Working as a Chicago wedding videographer means getting the chance to film couples in a wide variety of venues, and it was amazing how tranquil and serene the setting of this wedding was just an hour’s drive from downtown.

It also means working with all sorts of creative people that have unique ideas for how their special day should go, and helping to realize those visions and expand what a wedding can be. Petra and Marissa came up with a beautiful way to affirm their love and incorporate their community by having their longtime friends from choir sing a number for their ceremony, and capturing that moment on film was a real highlight for me!

As a queer wedding videographer as well, I was so happy to help a couple like Petra and Marissa realize their vision! Putting together an LGBTQ+ wedding is always a wonderful opportunity to add a unique element to the usual wedding traditions, to ask yourself what you really want from your special day, and to help ensure that YOUR wedding is about YOU.

Helping couples navigate these changes is my bread and butter, and I was blown away by some of the beautiful choices Petra and Marissa made in their ceremony. Rather than simply sticking to the script, they incorporated their loved ones and community in unique and moving ways that only enhanced their ceremony. The story of their wedding day contains great ideas for both engaged couples looking to make their wedding more personal, and those who work in the wedding industry that want to know what interesting things can be done!

THE COUPLE

Petra and Marissa actually met all the way back in 2011! But at the time, there was just one little problem: neither of them had come out. 

“We met in college choir!” they wrote to me. “ We became closer friends when we worked Front of House at our college’s jazz festival and got to know each other further as we road tripped together to various summer camps for music!”

Music, and choir in particular, was one of the foundations of their bond to each other, and to their broader friends and community. Clearly, those bonds stayed strong all the way to today, because AT LEAST 15 of the attendants on the day of their wedding knew how to sing in a group (we’ll get to that soon). But with both of them still in the closet, they never crossed into anything more than very close friends. Classic lesbians, am I right? (It’s okay, I’m a lesbian.)

It wasn’t until they reconnected later in life, after both of them had discovered themselves and come out, that the love they’d always had under the surface was finally given a chance to grow. Chris, one of Petra’s longest friends and the officiant of their wedding, elaborated on his experience of seeing their bond grow. “Petra told me, ‘This might sound crazy, but when you’ve found the right person, you just know, you know?’” He could tell that their presence, not only as individuals, but as a couple, was firm, comfortable, and inspiring, and would become a centerpiece in his and all of their friend’s lives.

Petra and Marissa actually eloped a couple years before their wedding! For many couples, officializing their bond privately and celebrating their bond publically just so happen to be separate steps. As for why they were having a wedding now, they told me that bringing their distant families together was one priority, and being loud and proud about their queerness in a difficult time for the LGBTQ+ community was another.

“Our families are currently living on opposite ends of the country,” they said, “and we think this will be the only time we will ever be able to have everyone in the same place at the same time. We are so lucky to have accepting and affirming family and friends and it feels like honoring those who came before and sacrificed so we can love out loud by holding a wedding.”

Pride is a major part of Petra and Marissa’s story, and sharing that pride loudly was an opportunity the two took to heart. “[I love] how much Petra has changed the connotation of the word ‘gay’ in our house,” Marissa told me. “She has helped me turn that into a positive thing, and I feel more confident and proud when I’m with her!”

And so, Petra, Marissa, and 115 of their loved ones were brought together to do just that: to celebrate how far they had come, from two “very close friends” that were still in the closet to a married couple that wanted their whole community to know how happy they were together.

THE VENUE

Venue 5126, a venue with an address that begins with 5126, is located in Oswego, Illinois. Even though it’s only an hour’s drive from downtown Chicago, the calm fields, lack of pedestrians, and generous open space feel a world away. It makes a great location for any Chicago-based couples who are looking for a quieter, rural atmosphere for their big day, while still being close enough for city-based friends and family to make it home by bedtime.

Venue 5126 is set on seven acres of picturesque fields, offering multiple ceremony spaces, a suite and lounge for the wedding party, a dining tent for the reception, a patio with two fire pits, and dozens of great spots for photography and videography throughout the event. They also provide in-house vendors for a variety of services, including stylists, florists, and coordinators that can work with the couple to match their desires and dreams.

One of the benefits of wedding venues like this is the chance to have outdoor celebrations while still feeling a sense of privacy and seclusion. Venue 5126 offers two outdoor ceremony spaces, overlooking a horizon of seemingly-endless forestry and farmland that makes for an incredible backdrop throughout the event. Despite the massive open space, the venue retains a feeling of intimacy, a combination that can be quite hard to find within city limits!

The venue also offers a barn for indoor ceremonies, which is what Petra and Marissa chose for their day. The website boasts: 

“The Barn is dressed with reclaimed wooden walls and vaulted ceiling, twig lights and beautiful vintage chandeliers making it a stunning setting for cocktail hour, ceremonies and receptions. Two large garage doors that open to our patio overlook 500 acres of farmlands.”

I was impressed by its spacious size, and its sliding barn doors that can easily open and close throughout the ceremony, providing the opportunity for a “grand reveal” of sorts during walk-ups (something Petra and Marissa took full advantage of). All 115 of the couple’s guests fit comfortably in the space, its garage doors open throughout the ceremony to provide fresh field air and that wonderful Midwestern view throughout. 

THE DAY OF

“I invite you to take a moment to look around,” said Chris, one of his first statements in his duties as officiant. “Every person in this room holds a special place in your lives. They’re your people: family by blood, family by choice, and friends who have been part of the ride.”

This was a wonderful note to begin on, a reminder of the large network of friends and family that mattered so much to Petra and Marissa. It was a quiet, heartfelt moment. But then, Petra locked eyes with someone in the back and waved to them, and whatever day-of jitters were in the room melted away as people began to laugh. In addition to feeling grand and reverent, this moment was also allowed to be down to earth, silly and sentimental at the same time (my brand!), which set the tone for the rest of the ceremony to come.

Now, there were three parts of Petra and Marissa’s ceremony where I noticed a variation on tradition. Two of them, I had seen before, and one, I definitely had not.

Firstly, there was best-friend-turned-officiant Chris. This is something I’ve seen many times, and it goes a long way! It can not only make the ceremony less religious and more secular, if that’s something you’re looking for, but it can also make it less distant and more personal. A good friend-turned-officiant can help tell the story of your love to everyone in attendance in a way that relaxes nerves and brings the room together. As long as they’ve had some public speaking experience (and Chris clearly did), your wedding will be off to a wonderful start!

The second was seeing the role of the “flower girl” given to their grandmothers. This is a tradition that has been played with by all sorts of couples in all sorts of ways, from gender-swapping the role, to giving it to a couple friends, to bestowing it to the family dog. I loved seeing this role given to older people, especially in a queer wedding, because it reinforced just how supportive of LGBTQ+ people Petra and Marissa’s community is. It felt like their love was receiving the blessing of their elders, which was such an incredibly heartwarming note to begin on.

Thirdly, it’s common to have live music played at some point before the vows, either by professionals or musically gifted friends. What I’ve never seen before was fifteen–yes, FIFTEEN–members of the congregation step up and join together to sing as a choir. This was powerful, tearjerking, and stunned the room into awed silence, of course. But it also was the perfect touch to Petra and Marissa’s personal story. It felt like they were back where they began, and all their friends were there to let them know how happy they were that this love story came to be.

Chris said it best once the song was done. “That was wonderful.” Another laugh of relief.

The silly, sentimental tone continued throughout Petra and Marissa’s beautiful vows. “Just like we have our roles in the car,” Petra said, “I can’t wait to take on these new roles together as wifies…again…I promise to always be your navigator, your copilot, and your best friend. We won’t turn back or give up.”

“I vow to always let you choose the parking spots,” said Marissa, “even if I’ve already started pulling into one. You were in my life in so many critical moments before I even realized I needed you. You have given me everything I never thought I deserved, and more than I could have ever imagined.”

ADVICE FOR YOUR CEREMONT

Petra and Marissa brought their love story full circle with their unique and personal choices. Here are some things I learned from them that might help your own wedding:

Consider making a close friend your officiant. Becoming a wedding officiant is a lot simpler than you might think! In fact, it’s not uncommon for people to become an officiant specifically to marry family or close friends, and you may have someone who’s willing to do that for you! You’ll have someone that truly knows you and your spouse’s love story and is able to make the ceremony that much more personal. And by the end, they’ll have a new skill and you to thank for it! Just keep in mind, the difference between a good officiant and a great officiant is prior public speaking experience. Don’t make your wedding someone’s first rodeo unless you’re ready to shrug off some gaffs!

Look into venues just outside the city. With loved ones traveling both from the city and around the country, Petra and Marissa had the tricky task of finding a venue that would be accessible to everyone. While venues within the city would be easier for those who already lived in Chicago, and those coming in by plane, finding a good place to gather, feed, and entertain over 100 people without succumbing to a battle of logistics could have been a real headache. A spacious outdoor venue, on the other hand, away from the claustrophobia that can sometimes come with the city, made for the perfect middleground. You’d be amazed how different the atmosphere can be just an hour away! A venue that is both near a city but has plenty of open space for your people made be the best of both worlds.

Find ways to involve your guests. Not everyone has a fifteen-person choir in their back pocket, and that’s okay! But it can be worth considering what other unique ways you can involve your loved ones in attendance, and allow them to be part of your special day in a bigger way than usual. Community really is one of the biggest parts of a couple’s love, and it was beautiful to see it placed front and center in this wedding.